I remembered when we first met. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. When we weren’t together all I did was think about her, her voice, her smile, and her body.
How wonderful for me to find out she felt the same way. We saw each other exclusively and once we became intimate, we couldn’t get enough of each other. Once in a restaurant, we ordered dinner and then snuck out to the car for a hot and steamy quickie. We went back inside for dinner, acting silly and giggling, giving away to everyone what we just did.
We married and began to settle down. As time went by, we both got involved in our work and raising our kids, and both of us keeping to ourselves the fact that we weren’t as intimate as much anymore. I never thought I would be one of those who experienced a lack of sex in a relationship. But it happened.
In the 1st place, it is completely normal for sex in a long term relationship to wax and wane. There are couples who have found a way around it and have continued sex on a regular basis, but it’s less common than you think.
I experienced this with my partner, and we both knew it but found it difficult to admit it or do something about it. Lack of sex in a relationship is the last thing anyone wants. There are ways to turn it around and reignite the spark that was there at the beginning. Here are 4 of them.
Brutally Honest
This is first on the list, but it is the last step you want to take when evaluating your love life with your partner. After everything else, and with a clear mind, ask yourself if you’re still attracted to your partner.
Our feelings about sex change as we mature. What we enjoyed doing when first meeting up may not be something we’d like to do now. For example, you may have enjoyed giving oral sex before, but now it does nothing for you.
If your partner has changed in his or her physical appearance in a way that does not appeal to you, plan how to discuss it with him or her. If you care about them despite the changes, you’ll know how to talk about it.
Dietary Changes
Our eating habits change over the years. As a child, I had dinner at a set time every day. I realized years later just how important eating at a set time every day was good for my health and well-being.
I work hard now to make sure I eat with my partner at the same time every day, no matter what is going on in our lives. Not only does it benefit our health, but it’s also a time to be together and talk. The discussion can be about something as mundane as the weather, but it’s still a connection, and after a time we’re able to talk about things like our sexual relationship.
Find the time to be Together
Once, my partner suggested we hire a babysitter and go away for a weekend. What impressed me was not the idea of going away; it was more the fact that she cared about our relationship enough to bring it up. Now, we make it a point to get away 1 time every 2 months, just for a couple of days. Neither one of us liked the idea of lack of sex in a relationship. Being alone gave us time to talk, then spend the night in each other’s arms.
Explore Different Ways to have Sex
Like falling in love for the first time, when you felt like you were walking on air when being in love was the most powerful and happiest drug one could take, the intensity of being in love diminishes. But it stays and continues to grow, only now in a different direction.
Sex is the same way. It is never as amazing as it was when you first met your lover. Lack of sex in a relationship can occur if we don’t fine tune our expectations.
But in some ways, adult sex can actually be more thrilling by having an open mind.
There are hundreds of different sex positions and an almost bottomless list of Kama Sutra positions.
Talk about trying new positions beforehand. There are videos that describe positions in a way that isn’t pornographic. If porn is your thing, then you can watch porn videos to see how the positions are performed.
People who explore BDSM take part in role-playing games. Interrogations, spankings and using rope and a paddle are incredibly erotic for some. Couples may find that they enjoy inflicting and receiving pain. Experimenting is key to ending a lack of sex in a relationship.
There are so many root causes for lack of sex in a relationship. Improving your diet, eating foods such as garlic, foods high in omega-3 like tuna and olive oil, increases blood flow to the genitalia in both men and women.
Exercise not only improves the sexual health of the body, but it also reduces stress. Stress is one of the main causes of lack of sex in a relationship. Reducing stress should be the number 1 priority, 2nd an improvement in diet, and 3rd is being willing and open to trying new things. I discovered so much more about my partner when I stopped being stubborn and opened up to trying new ways to be intimate.
Lastly, look back to the reason why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. That feeling is what has sustained the relationship for years. Couples have built a foundation that’s strong and working in every way except for a lack of sex in the relationship. The seed of love is still there, it only needs to be watered to grow strong.
Think of couples you know who have kept their love life healthy and strong through the years. It will instill confidence while you work on your own partnership.