Once after I graduated college I started dating a poor girl. Her poverty wasn’t necessarily her fault. But that is not the point of my article. Teresa was a strikingly beautiful woman who never lacked attention. I was shocked when she set her eyes on me. But my self-image back then was a lot worse than the reality.
I’ve always dated attractive women, even though I lacked self-confidence or a positive self-image. But there were qualities I had that got women interested. My final decision was to pass on other women and to date Teresa.
To her credit, Teresa was well-educated, with a degree from a reputable college. At the time we met, I worked as a manager in a large insurance company, and she was one of the young women who worked in a support role.
She walked into my office in a way that told her she was interested in me. I made a mental note of it and left it at that, but then her visits become frequent. One day she came in a short black dress with a striking floral red and blue floral pattern. Teresa walked to my side of the desk, sat on the edge, and when she adjusted herself, I noted she wasn’t wearing panties. Hindsight tells me Teresa did this on purpose, in an attempt to move things along faster.
The Stigma Of Poverty Leaves Emotional Scars
Looking back on it now, I realize how it doesn’t matter whether a girlfriend is rich or poor, as long as she cares about you and is willing to put aside the differences in finances. But back in my 20s, it was a bigger problem.
Once I dated a BBW woman, big, sexy, and from a rich family. While we hit it off, I couldn’t help thinking she used her wealth to boost her self-image. I didn’t get it; she was hot and desirable to a lot of guys, but she was always self-conscious about her weight. She attracted guys and always went on and on about her family’s wealth. Although I was raised in a middle-upper class family, still felt intimidated. I never wanted her to think I wanted her for her money.
Teresa came from a poor family. Her father had died about a year before we met and it so happened that he had a gambling problem, and weeks before he died the family learned he had gambled away all the money he had saved for his family. He died and Teresa and her mother were left destitute.
Teresa changed after this and tried hard to conceal her hate and rage against her father. At the beginning of our relationship, Teresa told me all about it, and I realized what a toll sudden poverty takes on a family. The damage is more than economical. It leaves psychological scars, and social pressure to be well-off in society makes the situation. even worse.
Our Paths To Success Were Very Different
Whatever Teresa was like before her father blew all the money her family desperately needed; I never knew. I noted at times she was high-strung and fully aware of her current station in life. She’d need to work twice as hard in her work to attain the station in life she wanted.
No doubt I was doing well. I was 6 years older than Teresa and had worked at the company for several years already. I became bonded with the company and my income went up.
While in college I dated a Pagan girl who had come from a well-to-do family. She told me she sought a career in programming so she could maintain the same level of financial comfort she had growing up in her wealthy family. I never forgot this and realized that we all seek the same level of income we grew up experiencing.
It was difficult for me to talk a both my family and things I liked to do as a kid because Teresa didn’t have those experiences. Her family was always poor, her father had been a baker his whole life and her mother worked as a seamstress, with three children in the family to provide for.
Teresa by turns idolized me because I lived the life she only saw on television shows growing up, and part of her was jealous of me in a way that ultimately made our relationship toxic. I never understood where she got the strength from her tiny, 100-pound, 5-foot body to express such rage and violence towards me.
We Didn’t Have Enough Things In Common To Make It Work
Things deteriorated quickly for the silliest reasons. We couldn’t visit my family because of Teresa’s animosity towards them, and after a while, I walked on eggshells whenever speaking to her.
Yet years later I saw Teresa again, in a different state and with a new boyfriend. She worked hard and was achieving the success she wanted to live the way she wanted, and her boyfriend had come from the same background as her, so they both worked together to achieve a common goal.
I learned a powerful lesson from my time with Teresa: go with your gut. I felt something was not right in all my time with Teresa. A few years later I dated a cop, herself from a well-to-do background. The problem with my relationship with a cop was that I knew nothing about law enforcement. Although she thrived in the environment, I enjoyed literature and philosophy much more than interacting with people breaking the law. I admired and respected her for what she did, but I couldn’t get any closer to her emotionally.
I took to long, hard road and gained a lot of experience dating women completely different than me. I’ve learned that sexual attraction alone is not a strong relationship-building foundation. I yearned for both sex and things I could talk about with partners that gave me a sense of belonging.
Nowadays I’m doing fairly well and earn a little more than my father did. I stay within the circle of women I can meet at the parties I go to, the concerts I attend, and the clubs where women at my level congregate.
I will no longer date a poor girlfriend because it is too much pressure on me, but it’s also pressure on her because she often feels unworthy, resentful, or both.